Macrocosm

See Also: 'Macrocosm' Episode Guide

Janeway and Neelix return from a diplomatic mission with the Tac-Tac, only to find the ship drifting, the entire crew missing, and huge alien hairballs terrorizing the decks. Neelix is swatted by a giant appendage and dragged off while the captain is getting help, so she has no choice but to go to engineering, grab a compression phaser rifle, take off most of her clothes, and set off on a one-woman commando mission. On the bridge, she's bitten by some sort of insect. She heads to Sickbay, where she finds that the Doctor still functions.

The Doctor explains that he went on his first away mission - seems Chakotay got bored waiting for the captain's return and took the ship to a planet in the midst of an epidemic, which the Doc beamed back with him. The flying things are macroviruses, one-celled organisms which are growing disproportionately huge. They got into the ventilation system, then the gel packs, then B'Elanna, and now they're in all the people. The Doc finds an antidote and tests it successfully on Janeway, but he needs help delivering it to the rest of the ship.

Janeway lures the critters into the holodeck and drops an antigen bomb on them, though first she must convince the Tac-Tac, who have learned of the epidemic, not to destroy her ship. When the crew is restored, she heads to the ready room to listen to some bad jazz and do some bad painting. Chakotay invites her to socialize, but apparently she liked being all alone on her ship, because she gives him the brush-off and tells him to go have fun without her.

Analysis:

This episode could have been hilarious if only it were intended as humor. Neelix as a diplomat? Chakotay sending a crewmember straight into an epidemic? Janeway racing through the corridors in a tank top and high heels? Flying jellyfish balls with arms? The captain blowing up all the bimbos on the holodeck resort to save the ship? HOWL!

But of course, we were supposed to take this seriously. Unfortunately, the best thing about it was the preview, with Janeway flying down the halls with her big honking gun (that ubiquitous piece of equipment this season, though she was more impressive wielding it in "The Chute" and "Warlord"). The plot was stupid and slow-moving, and the overly dark interior shots were enervating instead of spooky.

My favorite moment was watching Janeway snivel over a prone Chakotay, but he has got to be the stupidest second in command in the history of the 'Fleet. No wonder she keeps giving him the brush-off when he asks her out. And the Doctor has got to be an idiot if he thinks something as small as an uncategorized virus couldn't slip through the ship's detection systems, same as the problems caused by Neelix's cheese in "Learning Curve." Sigh. Get a clue.