Two Days And Two Nights

See Also: 'Two Days And Two Nights' Episode Guide

Tucker: Are we there yet?
T�Pol: No.
Tucker: Are we there yet?
T�Pol: No.
Tucker: Are we there yet?
T�Pol: Yes! We just now entered orbit of Risa. During the trip, you asked me that question a total of 441 times. Now you can LEAVE ME ALONE!
Tucker: ....So are we there, or what?

Archer: Well, T�Pol, I�m off. Can I trust you with the ship?
T�Pol: No.
Archer: Who cares? It�s vacation time! Come on, Porthos, let�s go!
Porthos: Ruff?
Archer: Of course it�ll be here when we get back. We can trust T�Pol.

Reed: Got any plans, Hoshi?
Sato: None, besides not under any circumstances doing the nasty.
Reed: Well, Trip and I will be making complete studs of ourselves. We plan to hook up with the first suspicious babes we can find.
Tucker: Doesn�t that sound cool? �Suspicious babes.�
Sato: Well, I envy you two. And by envy I mean pity.

Phlox: There�s something I should tell you, Subcommander. Remember the hibernation cycle I mentioned?
T�Pol: Vaguely. I thought you were just trying to sound interesting.
Phlox: Well, I should inform you that ZZZZZZZZZ
T�Pol: That what?
Cutler: He�s asleep, sir.
T�Pol: Well, great. Now I�ll never know what he was going to tell me.

Tucker: Check out my suit!
Reed: You look bloody ridiculous. I want one.

Porthos: RUFF! Grrrrrr....
Archer: Porthos? What are you -- oh my God, the Aibo�s back!
Aibo: ROWF! ROWF!
Keyla: Oh, sorry about that. He must have snuck up here somehow. I�m Keyla and this is my dog, Obia.
Archer: So he�s using a pseudonym now, is he? Lady, you don�t know what you�re dealing with. That Aibo is bad, bad news. He nearly destroyed my ship!
Keyla: You have your own ship? Now there�s a turn-on.
Archer: You�re missing the -- oh, but why mess with it? I haven�t had a date since 2140....

Risian Woman: Uyo resu eaksp rou nguagela llwe rfo meoneso owh arnedle it irtyth condsse goa.
Sato: �Sti rprisinglysu syea enwh u�reyo me.
Ravis: At last! I have searched the world over for a creature whose language skill rivals my own. Now, at last, that search is over.
Sato: Gave up, eh? Can�t blame you.
Ravis: Sigh... well, I never said her mind had to rival mine.

Babe 1: You�re cute.
Babe 2: So are you.
Tucker: (Pssst... Malcolm, are they coming on to us or each other?)
Reed: (Us, fool!) Good day, ladies. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Reed -- Malcolm Reed.
Tucker: And I�m Charles... um... Dickens. Yeah.

Archer: You�re certainly an accomplished stargazer.
Keyla: It�ll do till I find some bigger enterprise. Hey Jon, what�s that?
Archer: That is the constellation Leo.
Keyla: No... that.
Archer: Why, that�s -- holy crap! Archer to Enterprise: someone�s firing on the surface!
T�Pol: (over the comm) Not me. And Reed is still on the planet, isn�t he?
Archer: Then there�s only one possibility. Send a heavily-armed security team to the torpedo tubes and tell them to prepare to fight... the Aibo.
T�Pol: The Aibo�s back? Oh NO! We�re all doomed!
Keyla: Look, I�m really getting annoyed at the way you keep sidelining me in my own subplot....

Sato: You look familiar. Are your people related to the Denobulans at all?
Ravis: Hmm... being ripoffs of the same race makes us cousins once removed, I think.
Sato: Interesting. I�d love to learn your language....
Ravis: Are you sure? It�s bone-crunchingly difficult.
Sato: Well, it can�t be harder than Klingon. Anybody who can speak that has way too much spare time.

Tucker: So then I said to Jon, �Mirage, eh? Mirage THIS!� And I punched him in the face!
Babe 1: You two are really something. Trip�s been president... Reed slew the mighty Aibo with his bare hands....
Babe 2: You�ve both hit your captain at least six times....
Reed: Yep, we�re pretty happenin� guys. It�s no wonder Time magazine picked us both for Man of the Year.
Babe 1: Well, I think it�s time to go downstairs and have a little fun. Of the �us tying you up and taking your clothes� variety.
Tucker: Those are the sweetest, most ambiguous words I�ve heard all year.

Mayweather: Oh, the pain!
Cutler: Here, let me... heheheh... get you something... heh... for that... heheheheh....
Mayweather: It would really help if you�d stop laughing!
T�Pol: Heheheheheheh... sorry, Ensign. You shouldn�t have told us about the cliff changing shape to spell out �Travis is a loser.� Oh, my sides....

Tucker: I gotta say, this result doesn�t exactly meet my great expectations.
Reed: Don�t give up so easily. Maybe the girls just wanted a break after tying us up.
Tucker: They�ve been gone for nineteen hours! And they�re criminals! And they�re men!
Reed: Oh ye of little faith. It was you who taught me optimism in the first place, remember?
Tucker: I didn�t teach it to you, I traded it for your pessimism!
Reed: And a very good trade it was.
Tucker: No it wasn�t.

Ravis: ....weretheborogovesandthemomerathsoutgrabe. There, now you know the name of my planet.
Sato: It took you four and a half minutes to say all that!
Ravis: Yeah, it�s something of a pain. My people usually just call the planet Wocky for short.
Sato: I think that goes a long way toward explaining why your people don�t run the galaxy.
Ravis: It�s Wocky�s fault, not ours.

Archer: Want some tea? It�s a very serious flavour.
Keyla: I really think you need to loosen up, Jon. Why not have some fun? You can�t possibly be married to the ship yet, and it isn�t like a little happiness would cost you your soul.
Archer: Oh, I�m just worried about what the Aibo�s planning... and I also feel like you�re holding something back from me.
Keyla: Who, me? The only issue I have is a deep-seated hatred of the Suliban.
Archer: Well--
Keyla: Did I just hear someone say Suliban? CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!
Archer: Keyla, you said it.
Keyla: Er... heh. Okay, so �deep-seated� may be a mild understatement.

Cutler: Psssst... Phlox, wake up.
Phlox: ZZZZZZZZ
Cutler: Ensign Mayweather really needs your help. See, the thing is... I lied. I don�t know where the bandages are. Poor Travis scraped his elbow and there�s nothing I can do....
Phlox: ZZZZZZZZ
Cutler: Come on, Doctor! You�ve gotta -- OH MY GOD! The Aibo just broke down the door with a chainsaw!
Aibo: ROWWWWF ROWF ROWF... ROWF ROWF... ROWF....
T�Pol: (Oo, this is gonna be good. Somebody cue the ominous music. And get me some popcorn!)

Tucker: Ever notice how our lives are like some kind of sitcom?
Reed: I don�t see the connection.
Tucker: Well, we get in these contrived messes every week, right? And we always end up finding some humourous solution, insulting each other all the while.
Reed: Trip?
Tucker: Yeah?
Reed: Don�t quit your day job.
Laugh Track: HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Keyla: This wine isn�t half bad. Where did you get it?
Archer: I�m not really sure. I brought a big crate of grapes aboard before we left Earth, and we were out of space so I stuck it in the boiler room... when I went to get it ten months later, somebody had replaced it with a big crate of wine. We�re still investigating.
Keyla: Well, I guess I knew the risks when I decided to ask you a question. Shall we toast?
Archer: Sure. To the journey?
Keyla: To successful espionage.
Archer: Hear, hear.

Cutler: Doctor! Doctor, you have to get up! The Aibo�s coming and only you can stop him!
Phlox: ZZZZZZZZ
Aibo: ROWF!
Phlox: ZZZZZZZZ
Aibo: ROWF!
Phlox: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Aibo: ROWF! Rowf! Rowwww.... ZZZZZZZZ
Cutler: I don�t believe it! Phlox, you... you slept it to sleep!
T�Pol: (Geez, what kind of ending was that? I want my money back.)

Ravis: So this is where we find out whether you still respect me in the morning.
Sato: I�m already dressed and heading out the door -- take a wild guess.
Ravis: Just don�t forget me!
Sato: I won�t. But I sure will try to forget your planet....

Tucker: Let�s go over our story again. First, our clothes were eaten by evil moths....
Reed: No, first the pirates kidnapped us. Then we leapt overboard and swam to shore, and then the evil moths showed up.
Tucker: Right. And that�s why we�re now walking through the bar in our underwear.
Reed: I�m just grateful that Maris isn�t here to see this....

Archer: I�ve found out your real secret, Keyla.
Keyla: Look, I�m not ashamed of the operation. Sometimes people are just born the wrong gender.
Archer: Ewwwww. Not that secret. I mean the one about your being a Tandaran.
Keyla: Oh, shoot... you analyzed the glass, didn�t you? I was really hoping you hadn�t seen �In the Flesh�....
Archer: I�ve studied the histories of all the Archers who came before me. So you�re working for Grat, eh?
Keyla: Not exactly. I�m working for the Aibo and he�s working for Grat.
Archer: I might have known.
Keyla: But you didn�t. Mind if I render you unconscious?
Archer: Not at all. Wait, what am I -- ZZZZZZZZ

Captain�s Starlog: Porthos eventually managed to wake me up. I think he�s still working out some rage about the Aibo; fortunately, I hear Dr. Phlox is good at reattaching ears.
Archer: I hope that log entry sounded okay. How did the rest of you guys spend your two days?
Tucker, Reed, Sato, and Mayweather: I don�t want to talk about it.
Archer: Pardon?

Tucker: Hey baby I hear the blues a-calling, tossed salads and scrambled eggs....
Reed: Quite stylish.
Tucker: And maybe I seem a bit confused... well, maybe, but I got you pegged....
Reed: A shooby dooby da ba dooby da ba doo ba....
Tucker: But I don�t know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs....
Reed: Oh my!
Tucker: They�re callin� again.
Reed: Goodnight Seattle! We love you!
Tucker: Tucker has left the building.
(Enterprise heads off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Discuss this reviews at Trek BBS!
 Add TrekToday RSS feed to your news reader or My Yahoo!
Also a Desperate Housewives fan? Then visit GetDesperate.com!