Vox Sola

See Also: 'Vox Sola' Episode Guide

Captain�s Starlog: The Kreetassans have left in disgust forty minutes after first contact. Since this is a new record for us, I�ve given the crew the day off.

Sato: I�m depressed about failing to understand the aliens� language. Somebody cheer me up.
Mayweather: Okay!
T�Pol: Don�t worry, Travis, I�ll handle this. Ensign Sato, I just want you to know that even though you�re an utter failure, my opinion of you hasn�t changed.
Sato: You�ve always felt that I�m an utter failure.
T�Pol: And that opinion hasn�t changed.

Tucker: Hey, T�Pol. Where�s the captain?
T�Pol: Off sulking in his ready room. Not that the �brooding man of mystery� thing doesn�t work for him -- it does, a lot.
Tucker: Did you just lick your lips?
T�Pol: You�re seeing things.

Archer: Go away, Trip.
Tucker: Look, would it make you feel better if I told you T�Pol was coming on to you? And that it makes me jealous, and I may cry?
Archer: There�s only one thing that�ll make me happy. I think you know what it is.
Tucker: Oh no. Not --
Archer: Water polo.
Tucker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Sato: Did anyone else just hear a blood-curdling scream of despair?
T�Pol: You�re hearing things.
Porthos: (over the comm) Ruff! RUFF!
Mayweather: What�s that, boy? You�re hearing things?
T�Pol: Ignore the dog.
Mayweather: All r--
T�Pol: I was talking to Porthos.

Rostov: The environmental system�s completely shot -- it�s not just Engineering, it�s the entire deck.
Kelly: You�d better go investigate.
Rostov: Right. When I�m not back in ten minutes, send out a search party.
Kelly: A one-person search party?
Rostov: That�s the spirit.

Mayweather: This movie�ll have lots of explosions, I promise.
Reed: Yeah, but what are promises worth? Take that author guy: he promised at least one new fiver per day, and what came of it?
Mayweather: I think he�s aiming to average one a day.
Reed: Optimist. Oh look, Phlox is on the screen.
Mayweather: What? Hey, this is supposed to be that movie with the explosions! You know, Citizen Kane!
Phlox: (over the comm) I�ve got stuff here I can blow up.
Mayweather: You�re not helping.

Rostov: Investigating, investigating, la la la la la....
Alien Blob: If this gets any worse, I�m eating him.
Rostov: This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends....
Blob: Gyaa! I meant a little worse!

Tucker: I can�t believe you�re making us watch this.
Archer: Have you got some kind of problem with a pool full of scantily-clad men?
Tucker: Add two letters to that sentence, and no. As it is, please, please kill me.
Archer: After polo.

Kelly: Paul? Paul?
Blob: I don�t get the reference... better eat her too.

Archer: I don�t think you were watching that last part. I�ll rewind and slo-mo it for you.
Kelly: (over the comm) AAAAA! Please, somebody save me!
Tucker: Welcome to my world, Crewman.

Blob: I�m getting hungry again.
Archer: Rostov! Kelly! Don�t worry, I�m here now with redshirts!
Blob: You know, the timing on this ship is really good.

T�Pol: Okay, this meeting will now come to order.
Mayweather: Does that mean no more paper airplane throwing?
T�Pol: No, it just means throw them at Reed instead of me. Anyway, point one: the blob has Archer, Tucker, Bruce Campbell, and five valuable uniforms. Any ideas, gentlemen?
Sato: We could try communicating with it.
T�Pol: Good idea. Next we could try communicating with the Crystalline Entity, then the Horta, then the bulkheads, and one day perhaps even Mr. Tucker.
Sato: All right, all right. You don�t have to be sarcastic.
T�Pol: How little you understand the Vulcan mind. Now does anyone have a good idea?
Reed: I do. First we evacuate the ship, right? Then we get to a safe distance and start throwing these really big rocks made of laser beams --
T�Pol: Mr. Mayweather, if you would, please.
Reed: Ow! OW! That hurts! Stop it!
Mayweather: Mental note: the first test of the Extra-Sharp Paper Boeing NX-01 fleet has been a success.

Phlox: (over the comm) Phlox to senior staff. Please activate your screen on the Emergency Medical Holographic Channel.
T�Pol: You�re aware that you�re not trapped in Sickbay, right?
Phlox: I�m sure my programmer will find your theories fascinating, but for now, let�s stick to procedure. I�m about to begin the alien autopsy.
T�Pol: Then why are you wearing a containment suit? Aliens are safe.
Phlox: T�Pol....
T�Pol: Hey, just trying to run the ship the way Captain Archer would want me to.

Mayweather: Looks like an earthworm. I�m afraid.
Sato: Could be worse. Could be a bunny.
Phlox: (over the comm) I�m beginning the scan... oh my. This is no earthworm, Jim. The blob may well be sentient.
Reed: That means we can kill it, right?
T�Pol: Don�t make me sic Travis on you again.

Sato: So what do we do? Communicate, obliterate, or capitulate?
T�Pol: You forgot �dilapidate.� Anyway, my orders are to (a) shoot it and (b) shoot it.
Mayweather: What if that doesn�t work?
T�Pol: Then we try shooting it.

Archer: Everybody okay?
Rostov: Zabel and Kelly are unconscious.
Archer: We have a security guard named Zabel? With a Z and everything? I�m giving that guy a raise.
Rostov: Odd... I just heard Tucker thinking �What a doofus.�
Tucker: That�s not odd -- I think it at least six times a day.
Rostov: You�re missing the point. I think our minds have been �Attached� in some way.
Archer: You mean someone or something has mentally �Attached� us?
Rostov: Okay, now he�s thinking �The parallel is obvious enough without your help, people.�

Reed: Die, you mutant blobby freak! DIE!
Phlox: (over the comm) Oh no. Call off your men, Reed! You�re hurting Archer and the others!
Reed: But I�m hurting the alien too, right?
Phlox: Yes, but --
Reed: So if I keep firing, it dies, right?
Phlox: Yes, but --
Reed: Die, blob! DIEDIEDIEDIE-- ow.
Phlox: Whew. Good thing T�Pol sent Travis just in case.

T�Pol: Okay, force isn�t working. That leaves us eighteen other options.
Sato: Is communication one of them?
T�Pol: Yes. Get to work, failure.
Mayweather: What about --
T�Pol: The others are all force.
Mayweather: Ah.

Reed: Where am I?
T�Pol: In sickbay, recovering from plane-related injuries. We�ll let you go, but you have to promise not to go berserk again.
Reed: What, never?
T�Pol: No, never.
Reed: What, never?
T�Pol: Well, hardly ever.
Reed: All right, I promise. I guess I can just invent the force field or something.
T�Pol: Thank you, Lieutenant. Phlox, you can release the force field now.
Phlox: Okay, but I think there�s something a little odd about this....
T�Pol: You�re thinking things.

Tucker: AAAAA! Captain, for the love of God, PLEASE stop thinking about water polo!
Archer: Why? It�s not like you can hear my thoughts or something.
Tucker: YEARRRRRRRRRGH!
Rostov: Wow, he�s really losing it.
Archer: He needs to follow my good example. Here I am, stuck in the belly of some giant alien gumwad, and yet I�ve remained a model of decorum and tranquility the whole time. And you know why?
Rostov: Why?
Archer: �Cause I�ve got faith of the heart, baby.

Mayweather: Aha! I�ve found the Kreetassan ship.
T�Pol: You�re finding things.
Mayweather: No, seriously, it�s them. I can tell by the bumper sticker that says �GO AWAY.�
T�Pol: You can read their bumper sticker? Wow, you�re doing better than Hoshi already.
Sato: Shut up! It takes a lot of very difficult work to --
T�Pol: Difficult, eh? Sounds like fun. I�ll help.
Sato: Travis, if you�ve ever cared about me, throw one of those planes at her.

Reed: Mind if I borrow your blobsicle? I�d like to give it a lot of small electric shocks.
Phlox: I refuse.
Reed: Awwwww. Why?
Phlox: Haven�t you seen �The Alternate�? Using shock therapy on a nascent amorphous lifeform will result in its biting you in the @$$ down the line.
Reed: Someday you�ll have to show me how to do that talking-in-punctuation thing.

T�Pol: Any luck?
Sato: No. Again. Next time, leave more than five minutes before asking.
T�Pol: Sorry, I guess I�m pressuring you. Would you prefer this to be a touching scene of reconciliation between us?
Sato: To be honest, yeah, I would.
T�Pol: Then I guess it sucks to be you.

Kreetassan Captain: You have offended us, mate-eaters! We demand satisfaction!
Mayweather: Sorry, you can�t get none here. Say... don�t I know you?
Captain: Of course not.
Mayweather: You look familiar, that�s all. Moving right along... where does the blob come from?
Captain: First, apologize immediately for eating in front of us!
Mayweather: You object to public eating?
Captain: It�s not so much that as what you were eating. I mean, what on earth was in that --
Mayweather: Never mind. I apologize for your mistake, and I offer a technological advancement in exchange for Blobobia�s location.
Captain: Intriguing. What do you offer?
Mayweather: I�ll explain. First, take a sheet of A4-size paper and a thin duranium razor blade....

Reed: Force field�s ready, T�Pol. Stay tuned for next week when I invent the lightsaber.
T�Pol: Well done. Ready to translate, Ensign?
Sato: More or less. I�m still getting �yes� and �no� confused.
T�Pol: I�m not explaining it again -- one beep is yes, two beeps is no. Now let�s talk to the blob.
Blob: Oh, so they�re gonna do the translating thing. I�ll give �em a good show. (ahem) KROONY FOOGA!
T�Pol: What did it say?
Sato: �I will eat you and drink your blood�... or possibly vice versa.
T�Pol: Tell it it�s willing things.
Sato: No.
Reed: I get the feeling this is going to take a while.

Captain�s Starlog: After T�Pol and Hoshi FINALLY got a good chat going with the blob, it released me, and I�ve resumed command. Oh yeah, it released other people too.

Mayweather: I still think we should call this planet Blobobia.
Archer: You�ve already got one reprimand for giving the Kreetassans paper-airplane technology; are you shooting for two? Now let�s just unpack the blob and let it rejoin the Great Link.
Blob: Hey, thanks, guys. I can get back to plotting the destruction of all life now.
Archer: What did it say?
Sato: It wishes us all the best.
T�Pol: Blob, you�re --
Blob: Wishing things. I know, I know.
(Enterprise heads off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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